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    Default I had no living person to challenge

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    By far the toughest scene I've ever done was for Rituparno Ghosh's film Shob Charitra Kalponik. I had to break down, when I realised only after my husband Prosenjeet's death that he betrayed me.

    Betrayal by the one you love is really tough. And this girl I was playing had no living person to challenge, counter-question and hurl recriminations at. Her betrayer was dead! I basically had to get bitter about an idea rather than at a human being. So I did whatever I could. I recalled how deep a betrayal my character had suffered.

    My character realised that her husband had used every bit of her character, feelings and even incidents from her life in his writing. She realised his Bangla poetry was just a replication of what she used to write in English.

    I thought of all of that in the breakdown scene .I couldn't stop crying, even after the scene was over. I had to fall back on memories to get the emotion right.

    I was playing the bread-winner of the family, while my husband was a poet and a dreamer. He never took his responsibilities as a husband seriously. He even had an affair. And my character wanted to leave him. But post his death, my character begins to listen to his poetry and she falls in love with her dead husband.

    Then when she feels betrayed, I had to return to a state of disappointment I felt during the marriage.

    The breakdown that followed was the toughest scene of my life. I couldn't have done it without my director Rituparno Ghosh. He helped me reach into the recesses of my subconscious where I had never been before.



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